Life is a mystery, ever changing, ever evolving into another new horror...

Not quite a return... maybe just an emotional rerun.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 06:22:57 GMT

I feel like I've been here before; slogging through thoughts and little mental notes like you would through the mud come spring time. Only it isn't spring at all. The winter has only just begun. I'm not quite struggling with the feelings I'm having, but thinking that I'm not quite sure about what I thought I was sure about. News flash. I recently met a guy that I get along with really well and really like. His name is Jackson and he lives in Oyen, Alberta, but he's moving to Calgary on the 23rd of October to attend S.A.I.T. He's a total sweetheart and being with him, talking to him, knowing he's there makes me happy. It's quite the change. But part of my mind, part of my poor mangled heart is still lingering on another guy I met a while before I met Jackson. Andy Finn is all of the things that Jackson is, and some of the things he isn't. Charming and charisma come so naturally to him, and he's the tall, dark and handsome fellow that all little girls wish they could meet. He already lives here and has his life pretty together. Which is good, considering he's twenty-six. But he's busy. He doesn't text often, let alone call, and despite working in the same mall as I do (only about five stores down in fact), he's only swung by to visit twice. The first time I was too busy to even look up from my work, and the second was today. Seeing him did all sorts of things to my insides that I didn't like. They were enjoyable, but I'm in a relationship with someone else, so I shouldn't be having those feelings... should I? I don't even remember the rules of engagement anymore. Not that I would ever, ever act on them (at least I'd sincerely like to hope I wouldn't) the fact that they exist bothers me, and makes me somewhat confused. Maybe it's just because Jax isn't here yet. Maybe that's why it's an issue. If he was here I wouldn't even have time to think about thinking about someone else. Because my life would be Jackson and that's all there is to it. Or... on the other hand... perhaps some part of me thinks/knows something different. I don't even know. Only once since Adam have I allowed my feelings to get the best of me, and let someone in. He kinda fucked it up, and I sealed up again. And now Jackson has somehow made it inside the walls, but I don't know if that's even it. I'm really happy when I'm around him, and even when I'm not happy, I'm content. He's inside the walls but it feels like there's still a ot of me that he hasn't seen. I guess that's what comes with a new relationship. Everything has to start over again. And I have to give myself credit that I've even made it that far. Maybe I'm just paranoid about myself. Maybe I'm just so used to not being tiedto someone that I can't recall what it's like and how to behave. Mrowr. Relationships are complicated even when they're not... you know complicated. Le sigh. I just needed to vent. I haven't the slightest idea if this has helped at all but I'm trying at least lol. I'm making progress. And I suppose that at the end of the day that's all you can really ask for. Forward movement. Even if you have to slog a little.

I found it!!

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:37:06 GMT

Bahahahahahahaha. I feel all old and grown up lmao. Chris brought up how he couldn't find his old El Jay, and I was like... hmmm... I wonder if mine still exists... And here it is!! XD

We'regoing to start journalling in them again. Which could be interesting. Hooray!

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:10:41 GMT

Hey, you'll poke your eye out with that thing!

Rubber Band Shooter among the products on annual '10 Worst Toys' list

updated 8:58 a.m. PT, Wed., Nov. 14, 2007

BOSTON - A toy safety group released its annual "10 Worst Toys" list on Tuesday, highlighting both the hidden dangers like lead paint on a bathtub boat and more obvious hazards, such as a spinning plastic pirate's dagger.

World Against Toys Causing Harm has released the list around the holidays for 35 years, but this year it came amid a rash of recent recalls, particularly of toys made in China.

Among the toys identified as hazardous were Sticky Stones — magnetized stones that, if swallowed, could stick together inside a child's stomach — and the Rubber Band Shooter, which could cause eye injuries, according to the group.

One toy on the WATCH list, Go Diego Go Animal Rescue Boat by Mattel's Fisher Price, was recalled last month because it contained lead paint, but the rest are for sale.

WATCH officials said the list showed that the undermanned U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, which regulates the toy industry, doesn't do enough to ensure that toy makers sell safe toys and the industry has failed to police itself.

"Why are toys being made with known toxins?" said attorney Joan Siff of WATCH. "The best interests of children need to be put before the best interests of toy companies."

Julie Vallese, spokeswoman for the safety commission, called WATCH's claims insulting, citing a 50 percent rise in the number of recalled toys this year — from 40 in 2006, to 61 in 2007 — that resulted from a commitment to tougher inspections

"Toys that are for sale right now have gone through more investigation and more scrutiny than any year past," Vallese said.

Joan Lawrence of the Toy Industry Association questioned the usefulness of WATCH's list, saying such lists often lack context about who the toy is aimed at and how it should be used.

For instance, "Jack Sparrow's Spinning Dagger," a toy from the popular "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie trilogy, clearly isn't right for small children, but is fine for older kids, Lawrence said.

"In general, the products are safe as intended to be used," she said.

The toy industry has been hit by a series of recalls, including earlier this year when America's Mattel Inc. recalled more than 21 million Chinese-made toys worldwide because of concerns about lead paint and tiny detachable magnets.

More recently, millions of the "Aqua Dots" toy beads were recalled and the Chinese government confirmed they contained a substance that can turn into a "date-rape" drug after ingestion.

WATCH, whose directors and founder are civil attorneys, doesn't conduct tests on the toys, but rather shops with an eye toward features such as small, detachable parts or hard, pointed edges it says aren't safe.

Okay so some of this makes sense to me, but really....
Maybe you people should start actually playing WITH your children instead of letting them do whatever the fuck they want. Also, did you ever think about teaching your kid NOT to stick shit in their mouth/nose/ears etc.? I knew I wasn't supposed to do that by age 3 so I'm pretty sure that your kids could figure it out to. Oh, but then you might actually have to spend time with them. Wouldn't that be a shame. You people make me ill!!!!!!! -insert angry face here-

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 05:13:41 GMT

I feel... You know. I'm not sure how I feel.
I never really am these days. A strange mix of pleasure and defeat from the challenges I face throughout my day is all I'm left with at the end. It makes me dramatically less impressed with things that I would be if I had a solid feeling - be it happiness or sadness at the happenstances of the day.

I'm endlessly frustrated with my life and myself lately. Nothing I do seems to go quite as right as I intend... A little help from a higher power wouldn't be a bad thing, however who's to say if there even is one, and then further to wonder if they even give a care as to the goings on of our mortal day-to-day lives.

Hope lingers yet, but it is heavily tainted with past failures, and I am afraid. Not of what I know is coming, but of the things that I have no control over, no insight to... I hate being afraid. I hate feeling helpless and listless as I do now.
I hate that I can't do anything about so many things. I hate that I have nothing to pray to. I wish so hard that I could have the unfailing faith in something that I'm not sure exists that so many people do. It would give me something to believe in. And I think that might be what I'm looking for.

Writer's Block: (like juggling chainsaws)

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 03:24:07 GMT

What is one crazy thing you would like to learn to do?

View 500 Answers

I would love to learn how to do that air boarding thing - where you jump out of a plane with a parachute and a snowboard and you ride the air like its a gigantic totally smooth slope. I love snowboarding so much, so air boarding would be the most rad thing ever. To be able to ride air. That right there is about as intense as it gets.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:30:52 GMT

"I picked you cuz I thought you were one sexi girl and we got along pretty good, we have alot in common .. I asked you to go out with me cuz I was pretty sure you liked me to .. I dont even know how many times I asked you before you said yes.
Theres a few things I'll never forget, things that I love about you, that make my heart go nuts. Its when we are doing stuff like going to the batting cages and you 'll be in one and I'll look across from another and I'll see you say I love you and you make this cute little face then we both just giggle and keep going
I know you are the one for me and stop asking why I picked you lol
Fuckin hell I'm starting to write as much as you, I'm just not a good writer mines like gibberish.
Anywho I'm going to be late for work so I'll text you at coffee time.

I love you babe."

That was the most beautiful gibberish I've ever read. -melty heart-

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 05:46:40 GMT

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

hey

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

im home
haha

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Way to not text me back hoser

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

cuz i was walking in the door lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Like fifteen minuets ago?
Ahwell.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea i was talking to my mom about the dentist

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Oh ok

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhmm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

So you're finally gunna go are you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol mmhm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Well thats good

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhmm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Lol thats a lot of mmhmm'ing

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

so what are you doing
haha

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Nothing. Thinking a bunch.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

about ?

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

My dad wants me to go to the island for a bit to look after my grandad

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea
whens that

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I dunno. He didn't say

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oh ok

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

But I'd be there for 2-3 weeks.. I don't want to say no, but I kinda don't want to go either...
That'd be a long time with no internet, and not getting to talk to you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea it would

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

What do you think?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i think it kinda sucks but dont listen to me

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:€

Why shouldn't I? Your opinion is valid

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea
i dont know
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

You're ridiculous lol. You're a part of my life. You metter, an so does what you think

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea but going would be a good thing it would just suck for a while

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I guess so... Thats almost a month of not talking to you... And I wouldn't even get to do anything while I was there...

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

we can text you know

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Not enough for me. You know that.
Its so impersonal

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea i know

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I dunno

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

its up to you tho babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I know
I don't know what to do
It also totally interferes with school...
And as much as I don't want to do it, I really just want to get it done

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea yuo really should

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

What school?
I totally agree

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Ermff. This is making my head hurt.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

awww

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I don't know what to do.
Ermff.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

you think of the right thing babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Yeah

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yup

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Sooo

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

soo
lol
how was your night

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

It was good. We went and saw that new movie Hairspray
It was okay

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oh yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Yeh

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

how was it

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Not too bad I suppose. Actually for a musical it was pretty cool.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

yup

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

im bored and yea haha

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I'm thinking too hard

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea yuo are

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

mmhmm

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I miss you... If I go I hope I don't have to before you come see me

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea same here

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

That'll be my condition.
It has to wait til after I see you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol ok

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Then I guess I can survive a while

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I suppose.
Ooh ooh! Then, my dad said he'd be picking me up from the island...

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

And I can maybe make him drive through Kelowna on the way home!

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

hah yea
sweet

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:\

Then he could finally meet your parents... at least your mom anyways lol

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea lol and maybe my dad but i dont know if that would be a good idea haah

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Lol thats why I said your mom hahaa

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

haha

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Moo... so what are you doing?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

nothing kinda got a headache

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Me too
you're not talking much

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea kinda tired i feel sick
sorry

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

No problem i guess

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

love you babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I love you too.
Argh. I'm confused... and stressed... and... argh.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

go to sleep babe
youll feel better in the morning
i hope

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I'm not really sleepy yet

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oh i see

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Yeah. I miss you =(

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i miss you to babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

sigh. boo.
you're cute

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

l;
so are you babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:
hehe oh yeah?
how d'you figure

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

cuz you are well more like beautiful

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

hehe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I love you
lol

<3Adam-Face<3 says:
love you to babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I love you more

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

no you dont

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

no?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i love yuo more
hold on gotts remove some clothes
hehe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol oookay silly goose

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol
back

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Yay ^^

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

haha so
are yuo naked yet
haha

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Too cold to be nakes lol
naked*

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

awww that sucks

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Lol yaaah. If you were here I'd definitely be naked though
Cause you keep me warm ^^

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol yea this is true or you just like being naked around me

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

A little bit of both

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Arrrgh I miss you
Lol

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i know

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I wanna curl up and snuggle with you
I heart snuggling with you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea same but with you

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

hehe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

you're the best love

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

so are yuo babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Oh yeah?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

care to explain? lol

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

do i have to

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol sure. I wanna knowwhy you think i'm so great

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

cuz your my girl and i love yuo and yuor all i want

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol why though? why d'you love me so much. What is it about me you want

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

why so many fuckin questions
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol you always ask me why

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

not really

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol well sometimes you really so
do*

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

no not really
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

lol yeah
soooo

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

soooo?

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

so are you gunna answer em?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

nope

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

why not

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

cuz i dont really feel like typing im kinda tired and wanna go to sleep

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

aw you never wanna tell me
-pouty-

<3Adam-Face<3 says:
oh yuoll be fine babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

nuh uh

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhmm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Come oooon
It'll take you like an entire minute

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

ill tell you tomorrow

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

no you won't, you're working tomorrow, and then your going hunting

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i dont work tomorrow babe i told you that
but you dont listen

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

You never told me that
Why don't you work tomorrow?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

umm maybe the dentist

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:
I knew you didn't work last monday but you never told me about tomorrow.
Oh. Yeah you didn't tell me that. You told me you talked to your mom but thats it

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oook
i told you but w/e

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

yea i was talking to my mom about the dentist

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Oh ok

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhmm

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

So you're finally gunna go are you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol mmhm

See

You never said when

No you didn't! I'll scroll up and copy paste the conversation
<3Adam-Face<3 says:

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i told you like friday

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

No you didn't!
I remember that crap. My dad does that to me all the time, but I remember important shit like dentist appointments

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oh ko
ok
if you think so
but anywho

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Why wouldn't I remember

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i think im gunna try and sleep a bit
i have no idea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Why can't you just believe me. Like...

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

cuz i know i told you

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

No you didn't. I had no idea that you'd made an appointment.
I knew that you wanted to, and I've been bugging you about it since you started complaining about your teeth.
But I didn't know you'd actually had your appointment made

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

ok w/e
i dont care

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

don't whatever at me
=(
I don't care that I didn't know... I'm glad your going

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea
my teeth hurt right now

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

but you don't need to be all attitudey at me

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

im not

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:
You are... you're all like "whatever, I don't care, I told you, you just forgot"

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea but im not getting mad

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

but read what you were saying to me
that hurts.
Ahh what am I gunna do with you.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i dont know what are you going to do with me ?

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I don't know. I'm gunna beat you for being so difficult. And love you while I do it
You silly thing

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

your going to beat me

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Lol you'll like it

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

mmhmm im sure
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I'll make sure you do
GAH why can't I just be there now
My head is gunna explode

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

why

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Because I miss you, and the only thing I want to do right now is hold you and tell you how much I love you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

oooh i seee

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

And how my world would be nothing without you

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea yea
lol
i know

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Its true and you know it
How many idiots have I dated? If you hadn't come into my life, how many more idiots would I have been with over the past 6 and a half months

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol who knowa
knows

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Exactly. And I'm glad I didn't have to find out
You were the only person who ever told me to stand up for myself when it came to how I felt
You were the only reason I ever had the guts to talk to my dad about why I was doing so bad with the whole school thing

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

hehe yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

That was all YOU

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

was it a good thing
lol

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Uhhhh duh?
That was the beginning of me and my dad being closer to each other. I mean we're still not perfect, and he's a shitty listener, but we don't fight anymore
because we're more open with each other

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea i guess

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

you guess. Fool lol
I know. Its a good thing.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I was totally at the end of my rope... totally ready to give up.. and you gave me something to fight for

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

ooh shhhh

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Thats why I love you so much
You saved me hehe

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i love you

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I love you too

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

well i think im guinna go to sleep

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

You stink. But okay I guess.
And you BETTER tell me tomorrow

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

tell yuo what lol
night babe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

are you kidding me

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

lol
hehe

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

im kiddin love yuo
text you im the morning

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

What times your appointment?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

12 1230 i think

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Hey... you took tomorrow off... have you booked that weekend off yet?
o.o;

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

not yet ill call him tomorrow

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

You could take time off for a dentist appointment

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

yea

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

but you couldn't take time off for my birthday at the same time?

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i guess i could have

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

But you didn't
why

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

i dont know
but im going to bed
k
night

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Thats not fair adam.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

why are you being like this lately

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

like what? I'm sorry that just baffles me.
Why wouldn't you just do it at the same time

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

like all moody and kinda i dont know
and i didnt think of it at the time

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I've asked you every day for the last like week
every day I'm like have to talked to whoever yet
and every day you say oh tomorrow

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

k im off to bed
nigth

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

Thats all you have to say?
-sigh- I love you.
i just don't get why you can't talk to me about stuff.
I love you. Sleep good

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

love you to
and you to

-=[Sanura-kun]=-=[Adam<3<3]=- Being away from you is so stupid. Gr. says:

I doubt it, but i'll try I guess

<3Adam-Face<3 says:

nigth
nigght

Why is it that I'm always the one that did something wrong? Why does he get to be guiltless? I don't think I did ANYTHING wrong there. I just want to know why I'm not a priority. Why does everything come before me? I'm so confused. =(

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 20:20:15 GMT

Wow I haven't posted in a long time. And wow, do I ever need to get some shit together. I keep seeing everywhere around me how scummy men are and how in a way they really don't give a shit, even if on the surface they do.
Like Adam... I send him little messages and comments and stuff and I never get anything back, even if we're in the middle of like a month of being separated. But he can have entire comment conversations with random girls, or hit on girls via messages on nexopia, and he thinks that I don't know. I don't even have to LOOK at them to know. When you hide the computer from me to keep me from seeing what you/they are writing its kind of obvious.
WHY does everyone always think that I won't find out?! And even if you aren't hitting on them, why do you need to talk to other girls anyways? I rarely ever talk to boys anymore, even the ones that are my friends because I know that it bugs you because you're all sensitive and passive/aggressive jealous. I make sacrifices for you and get nothing in return. I mean, how many times have you come to visit me? Oh yeah once. How many times have I come to visit you? Let's see... Spring break was in what, March? So March, April, May, you visited me in June, and then I spent all summer here, and then went home, and now I'm back for your birthday. So thats 5 times to your one. Or like four months worth of time to your four DAYS. Yeah, thats fair. >_>; This entire thing just seems unfair to me sometimes. I cry at night because when you're grumpy, or sick, or in pain, I can't do anything to help you feel better. Nothing I do seems to even put you in a better frame of mind. But when I hurt, when I'm sick, you just being there and paying attention to me makes it a little better. You being concerned makes me feel better because you're showing that you actually care. I like that. But then sometimes, you don't do it, and it like breaks my heart. I feel so inadequate sometimes. We can hardly have sex now because of my body, and I don't why know its how it is, or what to do about it. You never talk to me about anything really. I hear so much stuff because I listen to you talk to Chris, or Cody or your Dad, so even if you don't say it to me I hear it, and you think that's okay. But its cool when you talk to me too you know. I mean I might not know everything there is to know about hunting or whatever but that doesn't mean you can't talk to me about it. Argh. Men make me angsty!!!

And then there's the bullshit that Jessie's going through with Bryan. Jessie, I know I'm not really around anymore, and I hardly talk to you guys, but I want you to know if you read this that I still care so much about all of you, Kori, and Gwynne included. Bryan is a doosh bag. I wanted so much for him to be everything that you saw in him, because I know that you love him so much. But hunnie I think you really need to let him go. All he's going to keep doing is hurting you. And you can't keep blaming it on that girl either, because its not her fault. Bryan is playing both of you, and maybe she's letting it happen, but I think all that SHE wants is for her baby to have a daddy and she's getting all caught up in that. But I don't even mean anything of this as an I told you so, because it is your life, and you need to make your own choices, and I respect the ones that you've made. I don't think that there's a better person in existence than you, and that's why I love you so much. You're just so awesome to like everyone you meet.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 19:54:33 GMT

Things are going pretty good now. I'm trying to be more patient with Adam, and its hard sometimes but I'm trying. I'm quitting my job at Montana's because they're not paying me the amount they told me they were. That and I get a rash from being soaking wet all the time. By the end of my weekends off its almost gone, and then once I work again it comes back. EW.

I got super sunburnt yesterday. Frick lol. I bought sunscreen and haven't even used it yet. I'm so dumb. Going to the lake next week -dances- I'm excited. I kinda actually miss my dad a lot haha. Weird I know. And I'm gunna ask him if he can bring Max because I miss my dog (times lots). And Adam MIGHT come with me. Only if he doesn't get to go fishing this weekend though. I'm going with him if he goes fishing. Woot woot. I heart fishing.

Hmmmmm what else. I don't know. Nothing that I can think of really. I kinda miss home, but I really like it here. Ahwell ^_______^

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:43:04 GMT

Moogle. Thats like the word of the day. Its all I got >_<
Me and Adam keep getting into these stupid little fights and they drive me nuts. He says things that hurt my feelings (intentionally or not) and I get mad, and then he gets mad that I'm mad, and I end up being the bad guy. Not fair! Especially when I don't really do anything wrong. I have things in my head that I want out. Like the fact that I keep having these dreams that tell me that I think this isn't working. Which isn't what I think... or is it? I don't know. Really there's nothing wrong with us. We're great together except that they say stupid things sometimes. I guess I could just try harder... Smile and act like nothing wrong when he does something that bugs me. I don't know if that would really help though. I'm confused. I'm pretty sure I'm just crazy and there's nothing wrong, but I can't help thinking there is anyways. Yup. I'm crazy. >_@;

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 22:00:40 GMT

Woohoo.

I started my job at Montana's yesterday. Hoolyy shiiit. I almost drowned. I work in the kitchen, and I have the most important job in the entire restaurant: I do the dishes. You wouldn't think its a big job, but without people like me, you would be eating off of paper plates and using plastic utensils. Holy man. There is noooo stopping whatsoever. Once you get back there, there's shit to do right until closing. I worked from 5 til midnight, and all night I had a ten minute break - I didn't even realize how fast time was going by. When I was on my break it was like eight thirty-ish I believe, and I hadn't even realized that much time had gone by. It was nuts. The only people that stay later than we do is the managers. We wash EVERYTHING. Its crazy. But yeah, I need a nap before I go to work so I'll update later maybe? Ciaooo

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 04:55:42 GMT

Well, Adam has come and gone. I loved having him here... but you know... I mostly just like being with him. I don't care where we are as long as he's there and I'm there. Yup.

Let's see...

Friday: Adam's flight came in at about 9 o'clock in the A.M. so I went to work with my dad that morning and then we went from the office to the airport. As soon as we got home I'm pretty sure we just kinda slept until the afternoon, cause I was freakin tired, and he was too. That night we hung out with Julia for a bit - headed over to Brett's house and hung out with those crazies for a bit and then got some food on the way home.

Saturday: Weeeeeee had to get up a bit early because we went to see a Jessie and a Bryan. We met them at Steep's for tea and lunchies first, and then mosied over to Eau Claire and then to the cultural centre to get some star paper and such. Then we went to the arcade and goofed around a whole bunch and then around 2:30 Jessie and Bryan had to skedaddle so we left - and it was pouring rain out. T__T;;. We took the train up to Brentwood, my dad picked us up from the station and we went home. Mmm...home. We ordered pizza and slept basically until nine o clock that night lol. Then we got up for a bit, then went back to bed XD

Sunday: I don't remember what we did yesterday. Pretty sure we just slept and watched movies all day though. After supper we all went out to Cochrane for ice cream (yay! Icecream!) and then we came home and went in the hot tub for a bit which was definitely nice.

Today: I slept like a dead person last night. Gooooood sleep. Yay. Woke up around 8, bummed around in bed for a while, and then got up at like 10ish I suppose? Made super mondo breakfast of doom for the two of us, and then did dishes and whatnot. Got all Adam's stuff together and made sure he had everything he needed all ready to go (minus one shirt, that I happen to be wearing) and just lazed around all day.

Mrowl. I miss him already. But I'm definitely going out there for the summer. In fact I'm heading out there in about a week hopefully. I'm sick of this long distance bullshit. Four days is not enough. I need more. Maybe I'm being selfish but its totally the truth. Four days is not enough.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 06:01:02 GMT

Yaaaaay!
Adam's going to be here in four sleeps - so on Friday morning!! Yay!! Am I excited? Well maybe just a little bit. Its quite possible :P I have to finish cleaning and stuff, and do laundry before he comes. Hopefully we'll be able to sleep outside in the tent though, if its warm enough. I love sleeping outside, even if its just like in the backyard haha.
I've been doing a lot of driving. So far I think I've been doing pretty good. I officially really like the little black Honda my dad bought. It looks like such a junker, but its really not that bad at all. The radio even worked for the entire drive to the movie store and back XD.

SO on Thursday night I get to go see the Thunder from Down Under strippers at 'Yotes, which will be sweet. I can't stay too late though, because I have to pick Adam up from the airport on Friday morning. And then I'm spending ALLLLl weeekend with him. I might get to go see a Jessie sometime on the weekend too because I haven't seen her in forever. If I do, we'll probably just go meet her downtown somewheres, probably for tea or somewhat. That will be quite nice I think.

Welll I'm kinda tired, so I'm gunna header to bed, and I will hopefully post sometime on the weekend.
Au revoir!

-Cait face <3

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 07:58:18 GMT

Well tonight, we had to take Rascal to the vet. She was acting really weird and wouldn't get up and walk around very much, so we figured better safe than sorry. When we first got there and got her admitted, they did a chest x-ray and an abdominal x-ray. They were both basically clean, with the exception of a slight widening the waist of the heart, but it was minimal, and generally the only time that that's a problem is if the abdominal scan shows a splenic tumor (tumor in the spleen). As far as the vet could tell just from that, she really had no idea what was wrong with Rascal. They were about to start doing her bloodwork when she became increasingly unstable, and ended up going into VTA (Ventricular Tachycardia). Basically, thats what happens right before you have a heart attack - the heart starts pumping extremely fast, and then the individual - or dog - would go into cardiac arrest. She was in VTA for about three hours (from eleven until one) and she was experiencing PVC's (Premature Ventricular Contractions) which are also a sign of rapidly declining health. Our only options were to leave her be and let her have a heart attack, or euthanize her. With the rate at which her health deteriorated, recusitation after a heart attack would have been unsuccessful, and the vet's personal opinion, stemming from personal experience a month ago, was to euthanize her. Andrew, Christine and I came home once Donna made the decision - I couldn't bear to watch that. I think it was the right decision because it meant she wouldn't suffer, but I just couldn't handle that. They'll probably be home soon... I hope that noone else I know ever has this happen to them (human or animal). Its a painful traumatic experience. You think humans and the animals we keep as pets are different but they really aren't. It doesn't matter what species they are...Love for someone is love for someone, and there's going to be an empty place in my heart with her gone. She might as well have been human, and I'm going to miss her so much.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 05:53:03 GMT

Woop woop.
Well in case anyone wanted to know, my computer is being fixed right now =3
It makes me happy in the pants. I missed it ever so much.
I got a sweet little headset for my phone. I <3 Bluetooth technology. Wires = lame! Hahaha. Uhmmm I'm not sure I have too much else to report. Worked a whole bunch today. Crazy I know! I mean I'm at work a lot... But all day today, not once did I have a chance to sit around and do nothing until right before I closed. It was entertaining for once, but I wish I hadn't been by myself the entire time. Damn Mike not coming and visiting me. Bastard.
My dad hasn't taken me driving yet but ohwell. Every once in a while I manage to coerce Dallis into letting me drive his car. And sometimes Alix just decides that she doesn't want to drive. So I'll get to drive somehow or another I guess. I want ID.... I need to go to the bar. -nods- I miss it too.
I also miss an Adam. He'll be here soon enough though I guess. like... twelve days. WOO! Now I'm super excited hahaha. I talk to Paulie a whole bunch now ahah. I might have to drinking with him pretty quick here. I missed a Julia too! I'm hanging out with her right now. Well not RIGHT now... cause she's in the shower. But we're in the process of hanging out lol. Rawr rawr rawr. I'm kind of tired... But I don't know if I want to go home... Sleeping at home is very restless and not good.. I need to start thinking of ways to avoid being home for the sleeping parts of the day. Yar.

Moo. =3

I missed you El-jay

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 05:50:32 GMT

Wow. Its been quite the long time since I've had an opportunity to update on here. It doesn't help of course, that I broke the AC port on my laptop. Ah. Silly me. I don't really guess that there's too much new... Well. Okay. That's a bit of a fabrication I suppose.

[*] Adam's dad doesn't think I'm good enough for him. Its made me kind of paranoid. Any girl could understand why, if they really thought about it.
[*] I'm afraid of the dark. Not just regular afraid of the dark. But afraid of the dark like a three year old who's nightlight burnt out, and their mommy and daddy didn't quite check enough for monsters before they left the room... and the child is slightly bipolar, and has night terrors. That kind of afraid of the dark. Strange, non?
[*] I miss Adam. (That's not new though.)
[*] I got my learner's permit finally lol. Yay.
[*] I don't think I have much else. Actually this time. That's really all there is. I'll try to post more often. Or maybe get my computer fixed lol.

There are some things that only ravers understand.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Sat, 12 May 2007 05:49:39 GMT

In bars, the dance floor is almost always full of swaying, swinging, bumping and grinding bodies, intent on getting their dance on for whatever reason they're there. However, if you take a look around you'll notice that almost everyone dances the exact same way - the same old hip movements, swaying of the upper bodies, etc. Just about everyone dances in the same basic way, minus a personal little twist they might have, or their own little move they've perfected. There are the few people that have a totally different style of dance however - the people the really know how to hip-hop, breakdancers, the real hardcore grinders, and of course... the ravers.

Its significantly easy to pick out a raver from a crown of music, because the general rave "style" if you will, borrows from absolutely everything else, and has its own little flares as well. Its a totally different style of dance, and to the untrained eye, it can look like a lot of pointless flailing, which from experience I can tell you, it isn't. Which brings me to my experience that I feel a great necessity to share.

Its a Thursday night, and I've been invited to a ladies night at Coyotes. I happen to enjoy this bar thoroughly - I know some of the staff, a bunch of people that go there a lot, and the Dj is pretty chill (and actually has some talent.) I show up in a pair of jeans and a regular shirt. Nothing special. Its only the bar, I'm not there to impress anyone but myself, and I like to be comfy when I get my groove on. Drinks go around, shots are downed, and pretty soon, I'm really feeling the music. The Dj plays a mix of R&B and the latest dance phenomenae, throwing in the occasional electronica song. I dance with a mix of a hip-hop and rave style, so I really get moving when I hear good music.

Throughout the night, I'd seen a lot of guys dancing, but one in particular caught my eye. Young guy, pretty goodlooking, and dancing rave - so far a cool guy. But I find that most guys in bars that "rave" can do liquid, and really have very little else to offer, so my eyes moved on. After an ice fight with Pat on the far side of the bar, we dance our way back over to the floor when the Dj puts on "Put Your Hands Up (For Detroit)", a particularly kickin' song with a solid bassline. He plays it at about 1.2, so its a bit faster than the original mix, and the music takes its hold on me. Its something that only someone who's really into dance can understand, but in particular ravers know ALLLLL about riding that bass line... or in some cases, letting the bass ride you. That is so what it did. It was like the beats grabbed hold of my soul, and moved me. Its enough to give you shivers... Reminds me of sex. Its very fulfilling lol, only I could dance for a lot longer than I could have sex. XP

So we start groovin to this song, and I'm really lettin' 'er go. I see the aforementioned raver guy again, and he is going about as hard as I am. I was impressed. I even managed to catch his eye, and we danced in an open area by the railing, close to each other, but not really together. I suppose we ended up REALLY impressing each other with our moves, because eventually he reached over with a hand, we bumped fists, and that was that. For the next bass pumping twenty minutes it was like we were a unit. After bumping, we both just started dancing off of each other, like we had danced together for years, playing off each others moves, and doing our own signature things. The picture I can't get out of my head, was both of us doing a "Omg my god you're too hot for words" kind of act, and he ripped off his jacket while he was dancing. It was the hottest thing, but funny enough I really only think so because of how it fit with the music and how we were dancing. People just stopped what they were doing and watch us. It was THE most exhilerating thing I have ever done.

When he saw his lady friend hit the floor, he bid me a fond farewell and went to hang with her, and I mosied back to my pals to get down some more. A while later I suppose, he came back to the floor looking for me(!), to tell me "Hunn, you're really an awesome dancer. I had a blast." I melted. I had someone that I thought was a hot dancer tell ME I was a hot dancer. My life is fulfilled. I smiled the entire night, and everytime I think about that, I smile again. No night at the bar or a party will EVER be able to top that.

Thank you random raver boy. You made my dancing life complete. <3

Let the angst begin?

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Thu, 10 May 2007 17:04:03 GMT

I was talking to Adam yesterday, and I started to get really over emotional and stupid, so I figured I owed it to him to try to explain why sometimes I'm so damned ridiculous. This is what I told him.

" I'm sorry I'm so difficult sometimes, and I'm quite sure that it confuses you, even though you never say anything about it. I wish you would. There's so much about me that you don't know, an entire side of me that you've never seen, that I don't want you to have to see... But it keeps forcing itself out when I'm not
expecting it, and I get so worried... I don't know what to do sometimes. None of this is going to make any sense... But if you read it, read all of it...

I'm not used to being loved. Wholly, and unashamedly, and with everything they had - I'm not used to you. But I'm trying. And heavenknow's I love you with all that I am, its something I was born to do. All my life, I was never really happy, but after my parents separated my happy little world fell all to shit, and I turned into a angsty, daylight fearing little bugger. I wrote some of my best material when I was so far into a depressive cycle I couldn't see anything but my pen and paper. Fought with my dad, fought with my friends, with teachers, strangers. I was rebellious but not because I wanted to be. Mostly because noone tried to understand. And then there was Gwynne... who was me in a smaller, cuter, button-nosed package. We used to bepretty well the exact same person. I don't know what happened. She made things easier for me, but I fought with her too.

Those years... from the time I was about twelve until I was sixteen were hard. Didn't sleep much, always had headaches, didn't give a rip about what anyone thought. But noone really saw that I had a problem so I didn't think I had one either. I didn't really think I had a problem until this year when I talked to my guidance counsellor at school. I don't know why I think the way I do, or say the things I do, or do the things I do. I don't
understand anything about myself anymore, and I'm realizing that I really haven't understood anything about myself in a very very long time. I feel like a stranger in my own head. I have secrets that I'd rather die thantell people, and they're all my own. I want to talk to someone, but its so hard to get people to listen, really listen and not judge or tell me that I'm being stupid or something.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so afraid of pushing you away because its what I did to Gwynne. I really loved her. I'd have died for her. And its because of myself, my own stupid actions that I don't even understand, that I lost her. And I don't want to lose you like that. Its what I'm most afraid of. I'm sick of losing people. I'll never be able to tell you how much you mean to me. But every night before I go to bed you're the last thing I think about, and when I wake up in the morning... well I have to be honest you take a close second place, but you're the most important thing in my life, by a landslide. I'd do absolutely anything for you, and I want you to know that. I love you more than you could ever imagine.

None of that makes much sense. Its not even everything. I couldn't get everything to come out unless I sat here for five hours and forced it out. But you might know more about me now. Why I'm so weird... Or something. I confuse myself, so I won't be surprised if I confuse you. Oi. "

So now that he knows a hell of a lot more about me... I was sorry worried he'd tell me I'm too complicated and to take a hike, but I think for the first time I've found someone that I mean as much to as they too me (in a relationship that is.) Anyways, we talked after he read all that, and all he could really tell me that was he, like me, was just afraid of losing me, mostly me leaving. I'd never do that. Lol I have the best boy in the world, so as long as he wants me, I'll be there with him. A week til I see him again. Yay.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Tue, 08 May 2007 04:42:52 GMT

Sometimes, its just so hard to say how you feel, even when its a good thing that you're trying to say. Sometimes there are just no words to describe exactly the way that you're feeling in a particular moment, because as soon as you figure out a good way to describe it, it changes, and your description just doesn't quite fit anymore. Sometimes, there's just so much emotion raging through you that all you can do is sit, breath it in, and hold on for the ride. Like when you look at me with those big brown eyes and smile, and I know that nothing in the world could make me any more happy than that face does. Or when we're just sitting, watching t.v. or a movie, and your hand finds mine in the dark, and holds on tight. Like when you brush your cheek against mine, and close your eyes and are just there... god. Why do we have to live so far apart? There's nothing I want more than to be able to wake up beside you everyday for the rest of my life. You're the one for me... I can feel it with every ounce of my being. I love you so much babe. You really have no idea. <3

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 07 May 2007 03:54:51 GMT

I love boys named Adam Russo that live in Kelowna, have crazy little sisters named Amy, cutesy little neices and skinny chicken legs. hehe. <3

Dear Gwynne;;

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 21:34:25 GMT

Dear Gwynne:

So there I was. Lieing on my back staring at my ceiling, waving Patrick Dempsey's face over my own in an effort to speed up the drying process of my clay mask when memories of you just kind of came flooding back to me in a blur. Its been happening a lot lately. I'll never be used to it, but who would be really. At some point every day, I'm reminded that you used to be not just a part of my life, but pretty much all of it. I miss those days with all my heart and soul, you really have no idea. Or maybe you do. How could I possibly know?

A lot of morning, I wake up wanting to get on the first bus I can, show up at your house and tell you how sorry I am for being the onse who gave up... Who stopped trying. I never do that. Why'd I do it to you? I think it might be because I know you were the only one I'd never win against. But the truth is, NEITHER of us could win with each other. We were well matched. I always pitied the fool who ended up having both of us as an poopnent in an argument. I wish we could have come together as a team against life, instead of pitting ourselves against each other all the time.

I still don't really understand, but I guess I never really will unless I asked you. I don't think I could do that though. For once, I think my pride is beating me, and I'm never going to find myself at your door. I still love you though. Thats one thing I could never ignore no matter how hard I tried. I hope you're doing well. I hope you're happy, and I mean that with every inch of my soul. You deserve it after putting up with me for so long.

I'll miss you forever.
Cait.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 05:34:39 GMT

Lawl, Adam's so silly.
So he has this thing with asking me to marry him, but he always spells it merry, because he's a goon like that. I bug him about it cause I'm a spelling/grammar geek, and we move on. So today we're talking, and Adam's like, "Marry me?" And I was like, "Heh. You just spelt it right. You must actually be serious this time XD". He didn't think it was funny, but I thought it was hilarious lol.

I love him so much. When I really think about it... If he really did ever ask me to marry him... I'd say yes. I mean... I know that I could spend the rest of my life with him, and I'm definitely ready to settle down. I don't need anything else. I just need to be loved and be happy.. and I have both with him. Yup. I'm gunna marry that boy someday.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:32:13 GMT

Lol yes. That IS Adam in his underwear. What a goof.

Finally a face to go with all the stuff I write about him lol.
Gosh I love that boy.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 16:05:35 GMT

Mrowl. I think its funny that I mostly only post when I'm feeling kinda angsty. Ahwell.
I think I'm just having one of those days where I wanna complain about everything that I deem worthy of complaining about. Mostly its how far away from Adam I live... I know I'm usually cool with the distance, but some days I wake up and just wish I could be there, and not have to rely on the phone or the internet or a ninety freaking dollar bus ticket just to be able to converse with him. And no, I also don't mind paying to go out there. I think its good that I finally have something uber constructive to use my money on. Blah.

Today I just feel like that. Blah. I don't want to do anything... just stay in bed and snore a while. That would be great. Especially considering I'm still sooooooo tired from the other night. But it was fun so ohwell.

I think I might have a nap before I have to get ready for work.....k ciao.

raelin_thane@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:12:37 GMT

I love you more than anything.

=)